mad world

gary Jules...mad world.

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places,
worn out faces
Bright and early
for their daily races
Going nowhere,
going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression,
no expression
Hide my head
I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow,
no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very Mad World Mad world
Children waiting for
the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And I feel the way
that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me,
no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me,
look right through me
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very Mad World
Mad World
Enlarging your world
Mad World.

FiRe...!

My tiny flame...

I lit a tiny fire,
a wee lil' flame,
to burn nine nights,
praying peace came.

I asked of Him,
watching the vapor coil,
give Dad much needed vim,
long is his toil.

give Mom freedom,
may her worries abate.
give my sister wisdom,
as she does lucubrate.

watch those precious to me,
distanced from my sight
sincerely i ask of Thee,
protect them with your might,

so i lit a tiny fire,
a wee bit of flame,
even when things seem dire,
happiness came.

i keep careful watch
fill it with sesame oil,
clean its wick,
sleep with an open eye...

...for my hopes lie
in the endurance of my flame
nine nights it musn't die,
till joy and goodness came.

Navratri or the Festival of Nine Nights from Ashvin Sud 1 to 9 is devoted to the propitiation of Shakti or Divine Mother. She represents prakriti, responsible for creation of the world according to the religious ideology of Goddess worship.

There are two interesting legends or epics associated with the history of Navratri and celebrated across the country with great reverence and faith taking on different names and idols.

Battle of good over evil

so tomorrow starts navratri....the festival of nine days.this year,I've decided to fast all nine days...meaning only fruits,milk etc.no grains or such derived products and no SALT!which is the hardest part for me....also this year I've resolved to keep my hot temper down...way down no matter hw much I'm goaded,or provoked...this year,I'm getting some semblance of peace out of navratri.and some detox as well.and a lot of blessings.lets hope all goes well!

GhEe soaked lovin'

today my Dad's adoptive mom,my Dadiji,called me over for breakfast...at first i hesitated.mostly cos I'm still on my weight loss crusade and i don't want to rock the boat.Knowing Dadiji...she would feed me the most delicious parathas in the WORLD.Apart from a great many decades of experience,what made them so irresistible was the large quantities of ghee...she kneaded the dough in ghee,used copious amounts in cooking it...and...to top it all...while she was serving the paratha,she put a generous tablespoon of home churned butter on each of them.welcome to heaven on earth...

She and my dadaji are well into their 70s and 80s.they've been eating this way for their whole life now.no diets,no cholesterol worries,no power walks,no obesity issues,no heart disease fears for them.while most of medical science would agree that this kind of diet can kill in a minute,they are living proof to the contrary...and they are not the only ones to be doing so.

HOW?if i had the guarantee that i would live that long,I'd stuff myself every single day with parathas as delectable as the ones i had today.I'd tell my mom to quit worrying and eat as many chips she wanted and put oil on dad's rotis and tadka in his daal,even when their are no guests.
i wouldn't count calories even over a piece of biscuit.or avoid bread like the plague.I'd tell nikhil he could have as much butter e wanted on his toast and it wouldn't stick to his arteries and damage his heart eventually.

how do they do it?i know they work around the house and etc.but still!
people from those days lived longer anyway.now for all our knowledge and sophistication and medical advances and anti-lipid medication,the average age of living is around 63yrs.

please please an explanation is needed!
i know there wasn't much stress back then ,but I'll bet whatever they had was enough to deal with.they had hordes of kids for one thing...in many age ranges.i know of crying kids.and screaming kids.and kids when they're not toilet trained.Its enough to make a grown up weep.
they did most things by hand.but they did have pot bellies too.what about all that abdominal fat being terrible and it landing on Ur heart?how did they still live so long?can't we just figure that out?

science Vs the Unproveables?

so...someone twice my age scoffed on learning that I,though a well educated Doctor,still believe in the stuff science cannot prove...or has not,not yet anyway...like...Seers,Pundits,Miracles...

i always thought the point of education was to always keep an open mind about that which you know nothing about.broaden your horizons...after all,one can't know everything about everything.

i know people who butt into conversations they have no place in to give their inexpert opinions instead of listening and learning about that which they have no clue about!in an effort to appear all knowing they end up looking extremely foolish.you know,its much much smarter to admit that you know nothing about politics/medicine/doctors/fashion/Hindi movies and blah blah.you get my drift...

when you assume that something simply cannot exist...you lose out on something that may in fact be true!by closing your mind to the possibility of something as amazing as a miracle...you never really get to see one...

yes,i am a doctor...and i also believe in keeping an open mind...even about so called pundits.i mean,i know i cannot simply predict the exact nature or current situation of a person simply by knowing their date of birth...but I've seen people who can!and get this : most doctors are v.religious,simply because they know its not in their hands...nothing really is.
whether or not I've learnt a lot of medicine,i can't say myself,but i have learnt this : science doesn't know all...it pretends to!and prayers and smiles and love can heal far far better than any medication invented so far!

scaredy cat!

"scaredy cat, kill a rat
tell your momma
to make you fat!"

silly little rhyme we used to sing as kids.sometimes still do...

since I've been living alone in new Delhi,people have taken to asking me..."aren't you scared?"...

they never do mention what it is exactly that I'm expected to be scared of...i don't think they know either.but...heres what u think...
I'm supposed to lose sleep over the following :

ghosts
robbers
being alone
robbers
getting my own food
cleaning my own house
my shadow
robbers
more robbers.

speaking of robbers,may i just mention the items in my house worth stealing...correction ITEM...my laptop...which they would think is a big deal but it actually isn't even being manufactured anymore.its an obsolete model, something only my father could get his hands on and give me cos I'm incapable to keeping expensive things carefully!huh!it doesn't even work without a power supply.at least if they stole it I'd get a new one...newer one that is.heheheheheheHA!
i don't even carry money!i have my ATM for emergencies.id lie abt the PIN if cornered anyway.

the list yea...

robbers
perhaps murderers
patients coming over to ask for free advice.
robbers
my dogs barks n howls n lust filled whines [shes in heat]
the dhobi
the watchman
the robbers
the cleaning lady
the news paper fella
robbers.

mostly i think I'm supposed to be scared of just being alone...of he idea...of it.
my parents were worried but hell i can do this, i told them.n so i am.
it just gets really bad when im sick...then i feel the long ugly arm of loneliness reaching out n pulling my ears...but other than that...I'm OK.my dog doesn't let anyone near me...including my own boyfriend...which really pisses him off.but it just shows how good she is as a guard.n she bites the watchman,newspaper man,delivery boy,cleaning lady...and anyone whom i don't talk to really.its really cos of her i feel safe.of course i find it hard to sleep nights but its mostly cos of my inactivity...yeah not much to do around here and reading doesn't exactly tire out the muscles u know.

no,I'm not scared!

sick sick sicckkk!

theres something yukky abt being sick with a stomach virus...u know...when u cant hold ur own head up cos things may come flying right out of it...yeah...

worse is if ur sick and alone...its tolerable if theres someone who will get u water to wet ur dry cracked and parched lips...or just rub a hand over ur aching belly.or give u ur medication on time so u do recover eventually.

yea being sick alone sucks.

madly in LoVe...

love makes people behave in very unusual ways.to be honest, which later on make them wonder if they had in fact,gone mad for a while.
love can easily be equated to madness.period.and i mean scientifically too.

the things people do,to makes someone they love fall in love with them...these may range from the fairly simple lying [which by its simplicity can cause fairly severe,even lasting, damage.]...to say, murder [obviously fatal].

i'm not talking white lies,the tiny things we often don't feel the need to gather guilt for.
i mean the liesssss.the deceit.the ones which cause rifts,so wide it takes a lot of trust,blind faith sometimes,to bridge.and a long long time.the ones meant to rip lovers apart.the ones...which do.
of course you can read a lot of this in the initial few pages of cosmo...the most shocking and shameless deeds of the time,it seems sometimes.not intended to be evil,of course,but causing hurt nevertheless.
i just watched atonement...which would explain the absurdly thoughtful mood.a lie,an accusation,separation.and yet somehow,i couldn't help but feel sorry for the young girl who lied...for she did it because she was in love and it was unrequited....and she knew she had no hope of it ever being requited.ever.

of course,now whats usually done is that a girl will try and sleep her way into her loved ones heart.and there is no dearth of guys who will milk the naivety of these girls.one drunken night one person's love and the others lust is consummated...leaving the lusting satiated and the loving heartbroken or hopeful.more often than not,eventually,heartbroken after an initial bout of hopefulness.

but they simply refuse to learn from their mistakes.thus while they wait and wait,wondering why they don't seem blessed with true love,not realising,that when they were making major mistakes and falling head over heels in love with the wrong people,true love may have passed them by.

some people actually do manage to get together with the people who truly love them,only to find them,[who have seen them through and at their worst,helped them through their most troubled times]...boring.

oh yeah,i'm not kidding.

no wonder people say love marriages don't workout these days.there are no promises of permanence and faithfulness till the end.which is exactly what we all crave.which is what makes us act so so unlike ourselves,so madly.a desire for security.

following him/her,stalking,thinking about them all the time,every waking hour and second and instant.we just want love.true and all that!

so we move from man to man or woman to woman,as the case maybe.till we meet what is known as "the one".

stolen moments...

sometimes i wonder,what life would be like without those small snatches of time we steal from the world around us...

u know the ones im talking about,the bits of daydream breaks we take while at work,the solitary coffee breaks in our own cocoon,a minute staring at the clouds trying to give them a shape we recognize...for instance.

moments within our mind,where we're free to call our thoughts our very own...

stolen seconds,where he looks at you,with a look reserved just for you...smiles at you,a smile designated to make you tingle,a look of ineffable tenderness,which no one but you notice...these stolen moments ... for all their magic,are priceless...

whispers in the passageway...you're so beautiful...thank you for an amazing time...i really need a hug...
holding hands secretly,linking fingers under the table...

some things are so sweet.they cost nothing.but they are still priceless.

PSStttt....!

Pssst...whats that voice i hear?

Psst...Sweta, it said,
from the deep confines
within my head.
heres free counsel
you'd normally dread.

pssst...always be polite
to the seemingly small
thelewala,plumber,watchman et al
everyone deserves respect!
no job's that abject.

psst...you're free
do what your heart says,
you alone reap eventually,
the fruit of your inabilities,
to say no, trying so hard to please.

psst...take time
smell flowers, pet dogs,
feel the sunshine!
pittering pattering raindrops...

psst...wrong decision!
but the textbook says so,
listen to the inside,
on which you can rely,
proclivity's magic wand….

psst...whos out there?
its a dark night, i'm alone,
say something
sounds seem louder
shapes odder.

psst... have faith
listen to me
I’m the real you
hear me out
see yourself fly!

songs unheard...

the new songs...

we know birds and bees,
and whispering trees,
the lull of the breeze
we know all these!

think of the songs
we've created,
theres music there too...
not just noise!

they comfort and soothe
their absence makes us brood
over the sudden quiet,
the ringing in our minds...

the fridge's deep sighs,
the humming A/C
the whirring fan
gotta lurrrrve their company.

the cackling radio
the ringing telephone
the blaring idiot box
you'll never feel alone!

although discotheques
could cause permanent deafness
can't deny the fun
i'm 24,time i went to one!

LiAr,LiAr...

so...after a pretty major disagreement with with the boyfriend,i began to question my 100% honesty policy.i started questioning the intelligence in it.frankly,the only plus point i could see was that it was the best policy,as it avoided the tension involved in a lie gettin caught ,and the complications that follow.

but,somewhere we don't want the truth.we don't want to know things which may hurt us,now or later.we just prefer being in the dark.cos we cant handle the truth [dialogue seem familiar much?]

i thought abt examples i could mention.for instance : parents don't want to know their kids re sexually active.or that they may not be studying when they should be,or that they like the occasional screwdriver,or the destressing fag.
boyfriends dont want to know abt past relationships,or the bad things u think of their family,or what they can do to improve ur relationship,or what u think of them in bed.not really thank u.
girlfriends dont want to know which of his exes were hotter,whether you really have put on weight,what he does when hes not thinking abt u,why does he smoke to destress when ur there for him.
doctors dont want to know that thei patient may have a poor prognosis,their doctor spouse maybe cheating on them with the nurse or another doc,their kids maybe feeling neglected in the department of parental attention,they may not be able to take a day off on their anniversary.

we only want to see what we can handle.
we only want to see what makes us happy.
we only want to hear whats going on in our mind,cos its agreerable to us.
we do not,honestly speaking,want the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
sometimes the truth ca damage a relationship.

but honesty is the best policy.the only policy.
so what if the truth is bitter,so much so,it can hurt for eons after its revealed,

the truth doth causeth algesia.

i told you so,
you didn't heed
my warning advise
now you've gone
and lost the prize.
i told u always
prioritize.

studies foremost,
always
everyone gets stressed
medical attention?
your just distressed!
your medicament?
Dispensable.

1 month later :

i told you so,
i'm not like others...
Draconian.
i'm ill,
its my mind,
i've left me,
far far behind.

so I'm leaving
for somewhere happy
maybe numb
so it matters not
who understands me,
puts me ahead
of education.

1 day later :

We didn't understand
our little girl,
never made her happy
in the now
always always
the future
militant.

listen
happiness is
living free,
living a dream
solely yours,
thats knowledge
true education.
realise,
Prioritise.

do u think i'm...?

so i was having my weekly,solitary[as in just me] cuppa cappuccino at McDonald's [yum yum!!] this morning and i couldn't help but overhear [cos she was shrill!]...a conversation.

she: have i put on weight?
he: [hesitates]..uh...um...[big,fatal mistake...no hesitating]...what?why?
smart,smooth.
she: no,i mean,since the Christmas party,have i put on a ton of weight?
he: but i see u almost everyday!i cant really make out can i?
PING,BUZZ.WRONG ANSWER.SHE WINS.
she: u don't see me everyday!
he: well...almost...don't i?what I'm saying is someone else is probably going to be able to tell you better.
A simple NO would've sufficed...in fact,she would've married u!
and so she proceeded to demolish his happiness in a very methodical manner that would ensure he never dared answer any questions asked by any member of the female sex.tsk tsk tsk.

me n nik:
we have a routine down pat
me: so...u think i look like I've lost weight?
nik: have u been dieting?
me: no...
nik: have u been exercising,in any way?
me: no...
nik: then why would u have lost weight?
me:yea but...still...not even a bit?
nik: u don't diet,don't work out...its not magic!
me: HMPF![see,i know hes right.]

most men,the poor simple minded bums,can never win!not against a woman anyway.its the ones who do manage more wins that is normal you have to watch out for,they've been around,they're the players...the ones who can charm you socks off adn maybe,sometimes,land you in trouble or break your heart...
the simple ones are more predictable,more cute n funny and usually too silly to be able to cause any lasting damage...way to go champs!

p.s: a wise man is one who doesn't try to understand a woman,but agrees with any and everything she says.he is also,therefore,a happy man.

of birthday presents...

so my birthday approaches rapidly...
n ive bin wondering what to say when people start asking me what i want for a present this year...wondered out aloud in front of my brother...
"since i was a lil kid,without fail,every birthday,i asked for a pet dog...now i have one,i also have a coffee percolator and an aquarium...now what do i ask for?i have whatever i want..."
bro: yea its like what to give vijay mallya...he has everything ...what do u give someone who already has everything?
me:eh?u think i have everything?hm.i guess i have everything thats important to me...wow...im as rich as mallya...richer cos im happy as well!!!

opened my eyes that did...how much does one need to be happy?content?look at me....i dont know what to ask for,for a present!this year i can say "oh no aunty/uncle/friend...just ur blessings r enuf" and mean it hehehehe ;o)

thats a nice birthday...contented...happy...hopefully drunk!!

a few faces of perfection...

sunlight in winter,
honey on ginger,
rum in a cold,
wisdom of the old,
innocence and mischief,
reality surreal,
velvet's royal feel,
his hands warming mine,
who says...
love isn't all divine?

happy new year everyone :o)

remorse

Remorse...

One day you'll realise,
and oh!how you'll realise...

what goes around,
inevitably...
comes right back around,
smacks you so hard,
makes you see
no one's world
can revolve around thee.

oh you'll see
and how you'll see...

sticks and stones,
just hurt one's bones.
Nasty words,
rip out your heart
tear down you soul,
broken trust...
never again whole.

oh you'll realise,
and how you'll realise...

sugary sweet,
seems so soothing...
attracts wasps
[won't hesitate to bite]
they'll snatch what they want,
'gainst all you might.

oh you'll see,
and how you'll see...

bitter neem
heals wounds faster
than syrup of honey,
antibiotics,
the balm of money
don't spit it out,
or get angry,
its only to help you
be what you wanted to.

oh you'll realise,
and when you do so...

who will love you?
you stamped it out of us
who will trust you?
you shattered it twixt us!
remorse,regret shall so cloud your mind
for all the true love,
you kicked far behind.

tis the season to be jolly!!??...pushy?bossy?needy???

merry christmas!!
ho ho ho!!...oh no faux pas...ha ha ha ha HA.wat-e-ver...now,for my christmas experience...a lil somethin new one gets to learn each day each moment each ...push.
so i went to the local mall,to watch a live TV shoot to be conducted by a friend of mine on the Christmas frenzy,a senior reporter,working for a channel known far and wide for its TRP generating tactics[showing a lotta bulwark,no other channel would dare display.]

she was supposed to get a bunch of cute kids in the frame,make the whole bunch sing "jingle bells"...tiny kids they were,some knew what a TV camera was.most,however had no clue...left to themselves,they would've met n hugged Santa [one with a plastic face BTW],taken a gift n left,happy n content.

their parents though,are in a whole different league,altogether.
they seemed so very desperate to get their kids to come in front of the camera that they pushed em,shoved em,made them push n shove other,smaller kids...there was one kid who was bawling face as red as Rudolph's nose,glistening with tears wanting to get out of the crowd n go home...his mom just pushed him back in saying,its just for a few mins,and then proceeded to call her relatives and pseudo-friends telling em to turn on the TV set cos oh u c,my bunty dear is coming,he got chosen [tough contest,sorry losers] n blah.

it was the most pathetic thing i saw that night.

the crown for the 2nd most pathetic sight goes to this other lady,who was standing next to me and yelling to her daughter [placed in front of the camera]...to lift up her younger,tinier brother so that his face came in front of the camera...i looked and he was the smallest kid in that crazy crowd,he looked like he was gonna cry any minute now.
the disgust i felt reflected on my face and i couldn't help but stare at the woman who would rather keep a scared kid in some crowd [scaring him more] than console him n keep him by her side.all this so she gets to hear "oh we saw Ur kid on TV"...to bask in this gory,reflected fame...
the lady looked at me,saw me looking,looked abashed,and stammered...oh u know,that's just so in case hes scared nah..."

i dint think i could look more revolted,apparently though i did.

my friend,the reporter,however handled all this and more,v.bravely.so did her camera crew.they told off parents telling them how best to position their cameras so that their kids got captured...told em they only took orders from their boss n that wasn't them.[the pushy parents].u go guys!

hm.i couldn't help but wonder...if parents r this pushy,this young...what will they do to their kids,[all for their own good u c],as they get older.i imagined conversations,in my head...dialogues really...
PP[pushy parents]: u have to study,don't u know,Mrs.Kapoors kid topped,u have to displace her!
PP:i don't care if ur uncomfortable,i bought u this miniskirt and ull wear it!maybe someone will "spot" u and offer u a modelling contract and then films...!u know the newer actresses are not even out of school.
PP: u'll have to lose more weight if u want to wear that without people calling u a fat pig with a huge ass.
PP: how can u want to be an animal doctor?do u know ull have to put ur hands inside cows to deliver babies?
[yeah lady?and how do humans deliver?oh no wait...babies r gifted,all wrapped up huh?silly me.]
PP: ur not studying enough to get into IIT...do u want to mess up ur future forever??
PP: we r not ur enemies,we want ur good,[i agree]...in the long run,u will thank us!

hey PP,what if they don't see the long run?some kids suicide cos they fail exams..more are taking to drugs,booze etc,at far earlier ages than can be contemplated even by u,teenage pregnancies r more n more frequent...i know,i get requested for abortifacient drugs after episodes of unprotected sex,just cos i'm a doctor.but its illegal,yet these kids r not scared,to go against the law....

they are scared of they're own flesh and blood though.
is the long run more important than their innocent smiles n laughter,NOW?not later...NOW?
it may have been something so silly,but its the start of something more sinister.
kids barely have a childhood anymore!theres pressure and more pressure and still more pressure till one is cooked RAW!

oh u poor,poor kids.

a bit about love?

Dedicated to my parents n my friend Nikhil,cos u like me the way i am...

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing."

n im not talkin abt romantic love alone...but others,probably just as precious to us,except at the time we will not realise its meaning in our life.however,sadly,we do realise and we do undergo a mental flashback wherein we wonder what went wrong.It wud've bin better had we never recalled the past.

Real love hurts;
Real love makes you totally vulnerable and open;
Real love will take you far beyond yourself;
Therefore real love will devastate you.
If love does not shatter you,
You do not know love...

n that is so true.ive loved a lot of ppl in my life so far.worse ive loved and lost a lot.and it hurts so bad.whether the person ur losing is a friend or otherwise a romantic involvement.it hurts just as much albeit in a different manner.why?why do we allow this?i know for my [art,i do not try to solve the problem knowingly.mostly since i have the feelings,in general,that im to blame for everything,n thats bin the way it is since i was a lil kid n evennow,every arguement i enter,i leave it with a feeling that im to blame.which is why i prefer to avoid confrontations of any sort.i hate them cos they make me hate myself.who wants to hate themself?
so u c,i get lonely sometimes,no...often.but ive learned to live with myself,as i am...but...its not necessary to avoid ppl all the time.i just suck at sucking up!my folks n nik r the only ones i dont have to be someone else around....i can speak my mind and be ME around them,even if it causes trouble.

thats rare,which is why,i dont really notice or feel deeply the lack of 'friends'.
thanks u guys.