Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The grand, under appreciated indian wedding Part-2

Continuing our discourse on Indian weddings. We hope you enjoy this, please leave your comments and thoughts!

The Groom pays his real and pseudo Sister's in Law and cuts the Ribbon thus gaining entry into the Shaadi Ka Mandap [Stage]. Thereafter his beautiful bride is called in.

She arrives looking, well, like someone else usually. It could be in a good way or she could also look like the "Ghost Bride." depending upon how much shes spent on "professional make up."
The dressing up of the bride is note worthy. For a month to a fortnight before the wedding the Bride splurges on "Pre Bridal Packages", whichi involves "slimming, facials, instant glow, full body bleaching/waxing/threading etc"...this ususally comes to around 20-25 thousand rupees.. The "Bridal package" consists of hair/makeup/dressing up...varying between 5-10 thousand rupees. The Bridal outfits cost at least 10 thousand each, depending upon the number of occassions. This is the bare minimum mind you.

Then there is the heavy jewellery which usually can never be worn again. If you rent it, its nearly 2 grand rupees, if you buy it its between 8.5 to 9 grand.
FAKE jewellery mind you. The bride makes her grand entrance surrounded by sister's and/or friends supporting her, sometimes physically, on both sides. The photographer asks her to pose...the professional photographers don't come cheap either. He clicks everything, from her face to body to hands which have been professionally painted with henna/mehendi the previous night.

The mehendi people aren't cheap and it doesn't help that the many female free loaders get their hands painted for free too!! Their bill comes to around 6 thousand...depending upon how many women took advantage of them.

Anyway, it's now time for the Jaimal - Garland. The garlands are cold and wet. But beautiful! Sometimes the flowers are imported. The bride and groom place the garlands around each other's necks...their relatives/cousins/siblings are usually fighting to be the first to put the it's a noose or a bell on a cat.

Then the B & G Sit on the throne like chairs on the stage. And now comes the most ridiculous part of the wedding. "The meeting of relative/friends and giving of gifts". Here all the people present come onto the stage, give their gifts [usually gifts given to them by others.] and sometimes money... then they pose by the sides of the B & G like long lost loved ones and all of them plaster on fake smiles and wait for the photographer to click! Well maybe the B & G's smiles are genuine at the thought of all the presents and cash awaiting them in toto.

In the meantime, the guests start hogging at the buffet tables. Another round of bickering begins. Bitching more like.
" This is cold."
"This is yuk."
"I can make this at home, much better than this myself."
"This is the wrong recipe."
"WHAt on earth is this?"
"Whats the point of chinese starters?"
"The tandoori bar makes you wait."
"In ABC's wedding, this was better..."

None of these problems prevent them from pigging out however. The next day, when the get the runs, instead of blaming it on their insatiable apetites, they blame the food. Ha! Imagine wasting lakhs [at least 2-3 Lakhs] of rupees on such people.


coming to the fera's part [ circling the holy fire 7 times] , the groom's shoes get stolen, a tradition started thanks to a yesteryear bollywood blockbuster " HUM AAPKE HAIN KOUN " , once the fere get over

another round of negotiations start similar to the one discussed before between the same parties and after a settlement is reached to which both parties don't agree wholeheartedly , the groom finally gets his shoes back. Coming to think of it the price he pays for the shoes the second time around is usually 10-20 times the actual cost.. the shoes he'll probably never wear again, assuming he isn't dumb enough...(we could've said he is smart enough, but considering he agreed to a wedding, and an extravagant one at that we wrote otherwise)...

Coming to the dowry part... oh to rationalise it , its called "gifts" [have to be politically correct at all times] these days... something to make a bride's stay comfy at groom's place...a bribe of sorts...The Bride's parents basically have to set up her "home." A car, TV, Refridgerator, A/C, BED, Jewellery, Clothes etc are given...Lack of dowry can lead to a miserable married life for the bride, wherein she is taunted by her in laws and/or husband all the time.

Wedding day is supposed to be the bride's happiest day.... we have nothing against traditional values but it has been commercialized to such an extent that it all seems like a farce... an excuse to blow one's own trumpet... i gave so much dowry.. spent so much on the wedding... gave a honda civic/city etc etc.

Basically we don't give a rat's ass about what others do and why they do it.. all we know is we'd prefer a simple wedding in a temple with friends and family...followed by a reception and save the rest of the budget for say :

1.]an extended honeymoon ;)

2.]A down payment on a plot of land/ flat/ house.

3.]Furniture for the new home.

4.]Savings bonds for upcoming children.

5.] charity and

6.] etc.

What is the point of being well educated and smart and intelligent if you're just going to repeat stupid mistakes just to "fit in" in a society that just thrives on imitating each other ?

thanks for the patient reading. Coffeeismypoison and Abinitio.

2 lost souls found themselves in my mirror....:

ruSh.Me said... that Definitely court marriage!!!

p.s. but I would really like the sangeet and mehandi ceremony too.....

coffeeismypoison said...

theres no denying the fun in an indian wedding...and we can't even choose our own weddings because, well, our parent's have their own dreams. In my case, Nikhil wants a normal, big wedding and I just want a close wedding, nice clothes, genuinely important guests, a temple, heartfelt blessings...etc. I'd like him to propose to me over a romantic formal dinner, n our "engagement" be just between "us".
I'd love ALL the rituals too, but only with real friends and family. Not cheap free loaders who're only gonna bitch about every little thing. I'm sure you've met the kind.
And i want no jewellery, cos I don't use it, but i do want nice saris etc...No Tv,Fridge etc, me and nik want to get that ourselves in our new home :o) We love talking abt and picking out stuff [imaginary] for our future home. Besides we're independent educated people, we can earn our own living...our parents made us capable enough.
At my cousins sister's wedding, at the mehendi/sangeeet/shaadi, her own relatives were such B*****S, they dint let her feel good abt anything, including the way she looked. And she looked lovely, but was missing a HUGE "nath." cos her nose piercing was still painful and tender. They criticized her mehendi, her outfit, her makeup. By the time they left it was time to go onstage n she was in literal tears. I had a hard time comforting her and telling her she looks great. Later on I went and scolded those aunts of hers.