HoNeYmOoN TrAvELs And MoRe!

Awhile ago, the BF and I were out for dinner with friends. Single, unmarried friends. As always, the talk turned to marriage [I know, I'm full of it right now.] and the partial loss of individual freedom that comes as a downside to married life. They each said they wanted to do things, visit places before they got "Tied Down."

I remember feeling that way. Especially since the only tourist spots I've been to ever, is Hong Kong and that too since Dad was posted there and we were given 3 months school vacation due to the gulf war. [1989]. And a 5 day trip to Kerala in college. My better half has been around with his family. Thats something I've always wanted to do...And I mentioned my feelings to the BF in the initial days of our courtship...I said I wanted to go places, and he said " I want to be the one to take you to those places. Won't you have more fun with me around? I'll take care of you...I want to show you all kinds of fascinating things..."

That was the sweetest thing and I've never ever felt that I'd be tied down by marriage since he said this. I don't have a clue who the couple in this picture is, but they sure do look happy together. And He was right...with him taking care of me and showing me all over, I wont have to worry about things like keeping the tickets ready, not losing things, hotel reservations, carrying the lugguage etc...[I can see to other things]. But the point is, Two's company!

Admittedly we also decided that we'd give each other freedom for boy's/girl's nights out. Or for biking trips across the country with "guy" friends. That's ok too. As long as we manage to spend quality time together and with the family too. Everyone needs downtime. Too much time in each other's company can just drive one nuts eventually. Plus we'll need new things to talk about! Freedom...it's important. No doubt once kids arrive, and other family obligations too increase exponentially post marriage, we get tied down, a lot. But it's important to make time for yourself, alone and as a couple...otherwise you, and you both, will get lost and exhausted and will one day look in the mirror and not recognize yourself.

A Leap Of Faith.

"Isn't She beautiful? Her sari is so heavy and bright and different...and her make up is just...so perfect...!", exclaimed Alekya's relatives as they examined the bride to be minutely.

"Yes, yes...true...I think the nose ring is too small though...", they criticized as if she were either absent or deaf.

"It's almost time...the baraat is here...I'm just going to go check Tarun out, be back soon!", whispered her sister excitedly as she left.

Alekya felt her stomach lurch. There was no way she could go out there. She felt nauseous and her heart was racing. She clasped her hands together to stop them from trembling pretending that she could squeeeze them so hard the pores would close and perhaps they would stop sweating. Not working! So much for medical scientific logic. Deep breaths now, deep breaths.

No one, except Tarun probably, would even take a wild guess as to how she was feeling. After all, they could practically read each other's minds now. That was what being together for ten years did to you. The duration of their relationship was also the reason why no one would understand how she was feeling. Lets face it, she wasn't the most communicative of people. And even while she presented her precise logic to people, they failed to grasp it in the first go and she never had the patience to present her case twice. Why bother now?With Tarun it was different, he understood and he was her best friend.

But even after ten years, she had her doubts about them. Together. Married. She was scared shitless. There were times she felt she were one with Tarun, and times when she felt he was a total stranger.

"They're here! You're Dulha looks so handsome!! Lucky girl...But he didn't come on a Ghodi...he came in a car...! Guess both of you are well...different. You ready to go out now...?", her aunt came and chattered away.

"Just give me a few mintues, I need to be alone for a bit.", replied Alekya quietly.

"NOW? You want to be alone now? There are people waiting for the jaimal!", exclaimed her aunt.

Seeing no point in replying, Alekya kept her mouth shut. Her aunt left the room and shut the door.

Tears welled up in her eyes. Damn it, not now, not after all those hours of sitting still for make up. No tears. Just thoughts.

Mentally she made a list of all the things she was scared of. Making lists was something she was good at and did whenever she felt overwhelmed. Always helps.

She was scared of his temper. It was the cold kind. He would treat her like a stranger.
She was scared of his family commitments.
She always had the feeling his mother and sister didn't like her very much.
Then again, it was an age old problem, generations of women had been through this, the saas nanad wars...why should she be any different? But they were overpossesive...and while they clearly saw the fights between her and Tarun, no one saw the love. No one saw how much she cared. She put his life and happiness before hers. She went out of her way to make him feel special...No one saw that. Any little thing his sister did for him was praised to the skies...whereas Alekya was never praised that way. Nothing she did for Tarun or his family, sister included...was very well recieved. That wasn't the reason she did things...but it pained her that she wasn't on the same level or even close, as Tarun's sister, even if she treated his family like her own, in fact better.
She would've been ok with all that...if her own mother praised her occasionally, like Tarun's mother did her kids...blindly at times. But Mom didn't...she wasn't like that. She didn't feel the need to excessively praise her kids or defend them when someone was talking nonsense about them. No matter how much people's words hurt her.
Alekya didn't want to enter a family where she was anything less than a daughter to her in laws. And anything less than a sister to her sister in law. Of course she would've preferred if Tarun had had a cheerful loving younger brother who'd love his bhabhi and want to bond with her. But we have to make the best of what we have.
She was also scared of Tarun's passiveness. She was the one who planned dates, raised thought provoking topics of conversations, found new things for them to do...she took most of the initiative in the relationship...kept it going.
And she was the more romantic one... Not that Tarun wasn't romantic...he was, when they were alone, he was the most tender man she knew. No one in the outside world, not even his family, could guess about this side of his nature. But he wasn't the one who googled "how to make your beloved feel special" on the internet...nor did he give unconventional gifts...and she was scared that they would get bored...she would get bored. Or fed up. She'd stop nagging him to be more romantic.
Then there was his whole, huge extended family. Most of whom had a poor opinion of her...without even having met her. Three guesses.

She couldn't go out. She couldn't face them. No one out there knew how much she loved him. All they wanted to see was the negative side which had been presented to them. No one even expected Tarun to be that "Type", as someone put it...the type who had a steady girlfriend. He was so simple, so sweet, so shy, so polite. So honest. Not the type at all! So it was probably the "tez" shrewed girl who had trapped him.

"Didi its time, come on. Up now.", her sister had come to drag her out.

"No. I'm not going."

"WHAT? Where? To get married? WHY?"

"I can't. I don't think it will work. "

"After TEN years you think it won't work? What are you saying?"

"Just...I can't go. Take me out the back door...please."

"Ok, Just...wait...Let me get Tarun...", Her sister started rushing out the door and ushering everyone else out too.

"NO! No, he'll be so angry... he'll never forgive me."

Before she knew it, her sister had left and she was alone again. And then Tarun walked through the door...smilling...
He sat down on the chair next to hers...and took both her hands in his...he put one finger under her chin and tilted her face up to look into her eyes. They were brimming with fear and tears.

"Hey Sweetheart...your sister said you're getting cold feet...is everything ok? Tell me what's bothering my baby...?", Tarun squeezed her hands gently and said.

And as she looked into his huge, warm, gold brown eyes, crinkled at the corners in a gentle smile of understanding... She felt her doubts ,melting away...but not quite.

Their relationship flashed before her eyes...

Beautiful flowers, his complimenting her snoring, making love, Tarun helping her cross the road, Tarun indulging her love for coffee, His sincere, neat painstakingly written letters and cards, Tarun taking her shopping and linking little finger's together, Tarun holding her hand in the cinema, Tarun wiping her tears, Tarun calming her rage, Tarun applauding her awkward dancing, Tarun telling her she had a beautiful voice, Tarun telling her not to worry about his mother and sister, that he was there for her and he'd never let her feel awkward, Tarun listening to her chatter about work, writing, friends, moviess, books, Tarun recharging her mobile without telling her, Tarun enjoying eating with her hands, Tarun playing with her dog, Tarun fixing her laptop, Tarun making her music and movie Dvds, Tarun sharing his things with her, silly possessive loveable adorable Tarun.

"How about we go to the nearest Barista and you can have that Caramel coffee you love and we'll talk?", he gently persuaded.

"But what about all these people?", Alekya mumbled.

"AHHH....them...we'll tell them to wait awhile. Its us who're getting married...lets go. Back door."

He left a text message to his cousin brother saying we both would be back shortly.

He held the hand of his bride and helped her out. They caught an auto and headed to the nearest Barista and didn't care that everyone else was staring at them. There, over a shared cup of hot foaming capuccino, Alekya talked...Tarun listened and they discussed their fears. It was an uncommon sight. Frankly the manager came by and asked if he could click a picture as this sort of thing had never happened before. Gladly they allowed. By then they were ok. Ready to go, get wed!

Tarun had his fears too...but if they both had faith, it would work. They had been together for ten years. The had love and faith and were best friends.

It was time to get married.

MaSkiNg LoVe...

...Should qualify as a sin.

If you’re afraid of what people think you shouldn’t have dared fall in love at all. And to get married to a person you love all the while pretending it’s an “arranged” marriage, screams hypocrisy. Lies. Betrayal and insult of the very word love, that which makes the world go around! Or at least makes the dizzying ride easier to bear, by far. To think, it is thought of as a sin! Immoral is what “society” will call you. That’s why everyone’s trying to hard to protect you!

Protect me? From what????? Hypocrites? I don’t need protecting thank you very much! I don’t really give a fuck what a bunch of ignoramuses are thinking about me. I’m not going to deny, nor condone the denying of, the greatest thing that ever happened to me...the one thing that makes me smile,[other than both Googles].

I’d be proud to tell all and sundry that I fell in love with my man BEFORE marriage! I still get excited when I hear of other people’s love marriages only to feel disgusted as they begin saying nonsense like

“Oh no it’s not a love marriage, it’s arranged. We just like each other.”

Oh so you’ll marry the first person you like?

Picture this scene, Cousins wedding.

60Kgs bride, tall, fair – 45kgs groom, a head shorter, darker. Rajput chick, Gujju kuda. Mind you Rajputs are v.particular about caste and all. They more or less fought their families for nearly a year and a half before every elder concerned threw up their hands and said “fine then do what you want we won’t disown you!” hehe...my little joke.

But even though the bride wore flat chappals and walked with a stoop, it was easy to see that the parents hadn’t chosen their about to be Son-in-law. That “it must have been the girl, she lives alone in another state for her job you know and this fellow works there only like her boss”...

While distributing the wedding cards, my aunt [herself had a love marriage, intercaste, 30yrs ago] kept insisting that this was not a love marriage, even to her own son, [father of 2 children mind you.]. Her dialogue was the same,” SHE didn’t choose him! They just work together and his mother liked her v.v.much so she wanted the marriage...”

Oh I see...and you’ll just hand over your precious daughter to the first person who asks or like a spoilt child, insists? I mean, seriously, do you think we’re all stupid?

And my cousin!

When I first came to hear about this, I called her up and she seemed excited telling me how they met and etc.

Then she arrived in Delhi for her marriage.

And said to me “oh we haven’t dated or been alone or anything. His mom liked me! I didn’t have anything to do with the whole thing! AT ALL.”

Hear ye all merciful God’s in heaven! Do such people even deserve to be in love? Why don’t you just take their share of the love and give it to those few passionate people who pine for love!? Why dontcha eh?

Then there was another Scenario.

Pundit Boy, tall dark and dubiously handsome [but in his family’s eyes he was er...er....er...oh who cares it his family’s eyes not mine.] fell in love with girl short, dark, not drop dead gorgeous, Punjabi caste.

{Wait... for those who are yet unfamiliar with the arranged marriage scene, when a marriage is arranged, the parents usually, well almost always look towards matching castes.}

During the card distribution process, the boy’s mother...

“oh no they didn’t decide among themselves...we were all sitting and making jokes, we actually know the family veryy well...we were all just joking and you know in joke joke we fixed the marriage.”

Good Lord. Decision of 7 lifetimes made in joke joke!
I mean seriously the stories people come up with are always:

-unbelievable

-delirious blabbering

-laughable

-unneeded.

... Because no one’s an idiot.

Be honest!! Parents and kids alike...have the nerve to simply say, if someone asks – the bf’s mom asked me “what can we say then? What?” – Simply say “the children chose each other and we have no objection!”

How hard was that now? No one’s asking you to scream from the rooftops...although to be honest, anyone’s whose been in love be it before or after marriage, will admit to the extreme desire of wanting to yell out to the whole world...that they’re in love. Ah the effect of Hindi films I say.

A quiet, dignified admission is enough. Theres nothing immoral about falling in love. It’s the best thing that can happen to anyone and nothing surpasses that feeling more that if it is reciprocated. That’s rare.

And we are no one to deny it. If we do deny it, we do not deserve it.

Ta!