Shaadi ka Laddoo...

So in the two odd years since I last blogged about cabbages, kings and other odd things, a lot has happened in my life. Well firstly I completed my masters in the field of  obstetrics and gynaecology, following which I got married to the love of my life and someone my regular readers maybe familiar with.Six months into wedded life and my first job stint at a corporate, where by the way I met the world's coolest boss, I realised my real passion lay in the field of assisted reproduction (IVF). So what next but to do a fellowship in the same and now that that is over, I'm back home with my beloved, job hunting...

Prior to our wedding the planning was a lot of fun, shopping was exhausting and there were negative elements beyond our control. But the part I did not appreciate was the multitude of people telling me and my betrothed, how different life is after tying the knot, and not in a positive way either. Mind you He and I never actually solicited any advice but it was more like words were thrust on us.

Had we gone by people's quotes and experiences, we may well have never made it to the altar. I didn't realise there were so many unhappily married couples out there. Why? Not to sound  sanctimonious but marriage is really not one tenth as scary as we were warned it would be...of course now people will add that...wait till you have a kid then watch how things suck in your so called happy marriage...  I suppose if there is a mutual desire to make your partner's life easier and happier than it already is, things will work out for the best.

Having being in a stable relationship for nearly 8 years before the actual wedding we had ironed out most of our differences on all possible levels be they career related, family related, financial, expectations wise...and today we each try our best to stick to our promises and keep each other comfortable. Sure sometimes we quarrel but on trivial matters. For the most part we enjoy each other's company, enjoy debating, sharing ideas, watching movies,  shows, plays, taking brief trips to see new places, trying various culinary experiments and making mistakes, first fretting then laughing over them. It helps that he completely knew all facets of my nature and I his before marriage so there were no shocks there. If anything he is at times shocked at the fact that I am more capable of adjustment that he is lol. Are you reading hon? :)

SO I'd like to share a dish I sometimes make for my better half. It is something he enjoys having with his morning tea or to take to work in his tiffin. It's called Zebra cake and is very simple to make...

the main thing is to get the pattern right and thats it.

Zebra Cake :

Take any normal cake batter, butter cake is best as it is rich and spongy. Divide the mixture into half and to one half add 2 tablespoons of cocoa powder, a tsp of instant coffee and/or melted chocolate. stir till no lumps remain. Thereafter grease your circular baking tin or silicone cake baking thinggie and do this. Pour in the very centre of the dish, a circle of the butter cake batter, as it spreads in its centre pour a dollop of the chocolate batter and continue alternating the two till you run out of batter. Initially it looks like this and

later it should look like this

bake it in your oven or microwave (not the best idea by the way even with the cake setting) and what comes out looks like this when cut...enjoy this slice of cake with your loved ones and tea or coffee (mine) :) Look on the positive side of your life whether you are married or not, it is beautiful indeed.

ToTaLLy TabOo Part - 5

NIMISH & RAJAT :

"Dude. I think my wife's having an affair.", mumbled Rajat.

"Why the fuck do you guys marry women if you can't be bothered to keep them happy?", yelled Nimish in the gym.

"What do you mean you guys, who else do you know who has...?", Rajat couldn't finish the sentence.

"It doesn't matter, the point is...if shes crying because of you, then you don't deserve to have her because you're not taking care of her. If she is so unhappy she is cheating on you, then it usually means you've stopped treating her the way she deserves to be treated and she is with someone else because that someone else is being nicer to her than you are.", explained Nimish now losing patience.

"What can I do now?", Rajat was nearly begging now.

"DUH. Win her back. You've done it before. Do it again. You can't stop treating her like shes special just because you're now married! Is that why you married her? So you don't have to keep up the courtship? So you've 'captured' the chick? I'm guessing there was a time she was the most important person in the world to you. God's special gift, sent to make life worth living. Isn't she anymore? Has being your 'wife' somehow made her less important? Less special somehow because she agreed to marry an ass like you? You know what, you're right, she deserves better... most Indian wives do, for that matter. ", Nimish was growing more passionate in his speech delivery by the minute.
He felt like slapping Rajat. Another asshole. Who'd rather spend time at the fucking gym than in bed with his wife. And then they complain about unfaithfulness.

"Besides, marriage is not all about providing material things for each other. Her cooking and washing your clothes or you fixing the washing machine when its acting up. ", continued Nimish.

"Oh and you know all about marriage do you? Never having been in one gives you a LOT of experience. Just like those people who have no kids but know best how to raise them...", retaliated Rajat, a bit bruised.

"No. There's a reason I don't want to get married. It's people like you. Who change so dramatically post marriage their own wives don't want to be with them any longer. Why should I drive some woman to despair? Once you get married, you take each other totally for granted. You stop holding hands or hugging or walking with your arms around each other's waists because of what society may say. You think of every tom dick and harry's flow of thought but you never once stop to think...that these little touches may mean the world to her. It's other people's cheap mindset that you care about. I've seen this happen so often....its pathetic. Grow a pair for God's sake. ", elucidated Nimish.

Rajat felt like someone had slapped him. Nimish's words struck a blow, and he felt like the air was sucked out of his very lungs. Nim may as well have been talking about him. But he couldn't help being shy. And he knew the cheap mindset of people. They'd call his wife a cheap slut! Especially these oldies. There was no way he could bear that. His girlfriend turned wife...deserved respect. One of the reasons Rajat never spoke about P to anyone of his own accord...for one thing it felt like showing off...for another...not everyone treated women with respect. ' Oh lucky dude...its been awhile since I got laid myself.' was an example for instance. He'd been serious about P from day one. Marriage serious. Not all guys were that way...they usually looked out to pass their time till their mummy chose a girl for them. At least he had had the balls to marry his girlfriend no matter what his family said. He loved her, that was all the mattered.

"Woo her dude. Its not so hard...girls...they're pretty predictable...just talk to her, show her you care...be her best friend again. That's how it started out didn't it? Figure out where you went wrong. Take her out for dates, make love, oh yeah...don't forget flowers...give her a break from housework. Get her thoughful presents.", Nimish advised trying to be helpful.

"I haven't the time to woo a girl! I work ten hours a day!", Rajat complained.

" No one's got time. You have to make time for the one's you love. Don't you WANT to make time for her? Or you can just sit and watch her leave you. physically or emotionally. Speaking of which...when was the last time you made love? I mean really made love. Not wham bam Thank you Ma'am. Or took her out for a movie? Or dinner? you just let life get to you. You'd rather sit and sweat in the gym when you could be burning 300 odd calories in an hour in bed with your wife? Are you demented? Or just ignorant?", continued Nim.

"Food for thought. It's not that I don't want to make love. We used to be very passionate...I just don't know when...why...we drifted apart. We're always tired. And now...I don't dare. I don't want...I haven't looked into her eyes, directly, for a great many months. I'm scared.", mused Rajat loudly.

"Scared...or guilty? You don't want to see anger, or accusation or...indifference. But you have to look into her eyes...bearing love. The more love you give someone, unconditionally, the more love you recieve inevitably. One of the reasons I'm guessing people get married is because there will be that one person, at the very least, in this big, bad. often unfair and unkind world... who is there for us, who will protect us and not just physically, at any given time from the hard knocks life has to offer. You have to be there to make sure she's well supported. No matter how angry or upset you may be yourself...isn't that how the one's we love are different from the other general population?"

"Hmm...But what if she cries ALL the Live Long Day!!??", grumbled Rajat. "Then you talk to her. Find out why, find out what's bothering her. Take her to a psychiatrist...get some counselling. Depression is not a small thing, nor is it untreatable. But medications alone will not help. She'll need a lot of TLC. That part is upto you. ", Nimish gently counselled.

Depression was an up and coming illness, unfortunately it was quite taboo as it required going to a psychiatrist. But the treatments these days were good. He knew because after his father's death, his mother suffered from severe depression. Today she was hale and hearty...and as happy as it was possible to be, without one's heart, that is.

"TLC?", queried Rajat...feeling supremely ignorant. "Tender, Loving Care.", elaborated Nimish.

"But what about the other guy?", Rajat asked, plucking up the courage.

"What about him? What's he done? Treated your wife better than you have? Is that so bad?", asked Nimish...now wary. And slightly guilty.

"If I knew who he was, I'd kill him. He stole my wife from me!!! And you're defending him?", asked Rajat, temper flaring.

"No. I'm not. But if he reached out to a woman in intense pain, if he is alleviating her grief, if he is making her realise she was indeed special, if he could bring a smile to her face and a twinkle in her eyes, if he is the reason for the spring in her step, the one who never lets a teardrop fall from her eyes, if he's the one doing all the little yet the most important things one human being can do for another...all the things YOU should never have stopped doing, can you hate him? If you truly love your wife, can you hate the one person who is a ray of sunshine in her otherwise bleak world?", Nimish justified, a bit guilty.

He felt sorry for Rajat...but knowing him, he could imagine how both he and his wife must be feeling. He wished Rajat well and hoped he would take heed now, sooner rather than later.

Meanwhile...

TLC it would be...Rajat promised himself.

ToTaLLy TabOo. Part - 1

Totally Taboo. A short story I wrote, in 7 parts. Something I'd like to share. Your opinions mean everything to me, and I hope you'll oblige, by reading...I'm trying to make it in short pieces, so it's easier to read through quickly.



PREKSHA :

Preksha wondered how she let it happen. It was so not like her, in fact, it was one of the things she held in severe contempt. Extramarital affairs of course. It just felt good.

To be treated like a queen. To be wined and dined like a lady. To be thought of as someone to be "won" over as opposed to a doormat, or a tail. She had become quieter in her marriage of 2 years. 4 years if you counted courtship. People said love marriages didn't work out and she was starting to believe these people. Whoever they were.

She gave her hair one last brush, checked her reflection in the mirror next to the door, put on her thousand buck shoes and stepped out into the sunshine. She had a movie date. Nimish was waiting for her at the multiplex and had already bought the tickets, Preksha was nearly late.

Nimish liked to take her on dates, even though they were both in their early thirties. They behaved like two teenagers as they greeted each other with hugs and squeezes. The minute the theatre lights were dimmed, Nimish gently took hold of her hand. leaned close to her ear and whispered, " You look beautiful. I really missed you." Preksha smiled to herself. Noticing how she looked, was just one of the things keeping her with Nimish. That and the fact that he missed her. With Rajat she wondered if he would even realise she was gone.

From their house, from his life, from their almirah, from their bed. The bed.

She had left that a long time ago. He was just too busy to notice. To realise that she was purposely asleep before he got into bed...or else she was feigning sleep. If nothing else, she would linger too long in the bathroom, waiting till she could hear his even, steady, deep breaths indicating he was asleep. Sex, if it every chanced to occur, was perfunctionary. No longer was it the prolonged lovemaking of their courtship, where they couldn't wait for a chance to be alone, they couldn't get their hands off each other. A thigh, a breast, an arm, a cheek, a shoulder...as long as one part of their body was touching one part of the other's, their hunger was temporarily sated. Till they reached their bedroom and would ravish each other in earnest, unabashed, not ashamed of their fierce hunger.

No more.

Nimish always bought her flowers. It could be a single red rose, or five carnations, or a beautiful bunch of dahlias, or a boquet of lilies. They met just once a week. Twice if lucky. She seemed to live for these days and yet they left her feeling guilty and wistful. Why had Rajat changed? When had he stopped seeing her as a woman with needs, with desires and with hunger? Why was she out with someone else? Who was this man holding her hands like they were flowers? Why was she laughing at this movie with this man? why was she letting this man touch her?

Which was the greater wrong? Nimish touching her body? Nimish touching her heart? Preksha enjoying his touch? Wanting it as much as she needed to breathe?Either way. she wanted him. He had brought her back to life. Literally. But that was another story.

Another day.