ThE GrAnDe, UnBuDgEtEd, InDiAn WeDdiNg! Part - 1

This post is written by two authors, me[coffeeismypoison] and my friend Abinitio. Weddings are in the air all over the place, and so we though we’d describe how we felt about the regular weddings and what we would want for outselves. Hope you enjoy reading this as much as we enjoyed writing it.

Indian weddings are a Big Deal. They are what Indian parent's start saving for from the moment their kids are born. And one of the major reasons "sons" are so desired and "daughters" so dreaded.

The kind of money that is pumped in to make it a memorable day for the bride/groom .. is it really worth it...??

The Bride/groom are barely conscious about what is going on in the main wedding, so basically, the show is for the rest of the world, to save face...and even the poorest of the poor do whatever they can to ensure no one on their guest has an opportunity to criticize them or their "status" in society.

This young woman is my maid, Pinky. Her sister got married 15years ago. Her mother is also a maid and her father a vegetable seller.

"We paid almost 5 Lakhs, apart from the jewellery...the food, decoration...gifts for the boy's family, dowry for my sister...the tent...theres so much to do, and we can't NOT do it all...no matter how little we can afford it...My parents earn 5000 rupees a month, and it took us 10years to pay the loans off...and now its time for my wedding. The same thing will repeat itself. But what to do, even though its not right, this is what society wants...although society didn't come to help my parents pay loans. Still, we can't lose face...although people are never satisfied, they always find something or the other to criticize."

You don't get much poorer than Pinky and her family. But that doesn't stop them from putting up a big show.

Indian weddings usually last around a week, the main celebrations, that is. Leaving aside the engagement which is another excuse to throw a party, waste more money. The point of an engagement was to give the bride and groom a chance [ in an arranged marriage] to get to know each other, and to adjust to each other...and in a way to declare it to the world and seal the "deal". But now the B & G usually know each other pretty well before they decide to commit, even in an arranged marriage. Also an engagement is no guarantee whatsoever that the marriage is "fixed", as they break up even after that.

Abinitio's friend got married, and the budget was double the average middle class family's budget for marriage [ 15 lakhs no less].At both the events he was present just for the week long extravaganza...

Both started the same way .. relatives start pouring in... goin to the airport, railway station, bus stand etc. etc. to recieve them.. make arrangements for their stay at the guest house where we try to make them as comfortable as possible... but no matter what you do there will always be complaints... some of them behave as if they are staying at a five star hotel...they need tea/coffee in bed, breakfast till noon, lunch till evening and dinner till midnight and sometimes past that...and it's not like they help around the house, very few conscientous and close relatives bother helping with the arrangements...the rest of them just lounge around the whole house, chit chatting, eating and eating and drinking tea and gossiping.

As soon as the functions such as bhat, tikka, baan (these are events prior to the wedding in a typical marwari wedding) etc. start another round of bickering from the relatives start..

In a Rajput wedding, coffeeismypoison's caste, theres the roka, the tilak [dowry giving to the guy.] and the customary giving of gifts to the relatives. These people just, pop up, in time, for the wedding and gift giving rituals.

"This shud've been done this way by this person and not that person.. what right does that person have to perform these rites"... and what not... another MAJOR part of the wedding is the " len den" ( hindi ) part.. or the "give and take" part amongst family... this is not even the dowry part.. we're talking abt the intra family giving and taking wherein another round of complaints start .. "We didn't get this or that person got more than he/she deserved... we weren't treated with adequate respect." ,measured in terms of money and gifts and not honor.. Marriages have broken up over this issue...many, many marriages...in fact.

Seriously, these relatives haven't done anything to deserve presents. Its just greed. And it doesn't matter even if you do gift them something, they're not going to appreciate it. The color/material/size/cost will be wrong. If the B/G has a "large/old fashioned" family [wherein family planning was never used], can you imagine the expenses? Each uncle, aunt, child, cousin has to be gifted. And one has to make sure that the gifts are as equal in cost/quality etc as each other...even after all this care, complaints and disatisfaction rear their ugly heads.

Then comes the official wedding part... getting on the horse being the knight in shining armor and going to wed your damsel in distress.. but it ain't as pretty as it seems in fairy tales... it starts with another round of give and take and bickering.. by now i'm as tired of writing the same stuff as you are of reading it but trust us this is how it goes and we've left out theuglier, finer print... finally when the groom reaches the bride's doorstep or the farmhouse/banquet hall/ five-star hotel/tent where the wedding is held these days...[another few lakhs of rupees.]

another absurd tradition begins ... a ribbon is tied on the entrance to the altar and the groom as to pay his way through it... a round of negotiations starts b/w groom/groom's friends and bride's sisters/friends, a settlement is reached and finally the groom gets to enter after the cutting the red ribbon just as celebs do at grand openings except that they get paid to do so and not vice versa.

What would happen if the groom simply refused to pay up...would the marriage break?

To be continued...probably tomorrow.

by coffeeismypoison and abinitio