ToTaLLy TaBoO Paart-2

One year ago :

"I'll be late home P, don't wait up...", said Rajat calling from the office.
"Fine.", mumbled Preksha, resignedly. There were to be no more fights, no more Whys, no more I'm lonely. Her job kept her busy too, but for the past year she had been sinking into a depression that was so deep and so strong it was sucking her in like quicksand. Beyond suggesting craft classes, Rajat had done nothing. He didn't take her seriously.
This night was different. She was glad he was going to be late.
She poured herself a tumbler of neat Whiskey. She laid out her pills. A sip. A swallow. A pill. This was how it was going to be for the next 45 minutes.

Maybe that would take care of the pain, this pain no one but she could see, could feel, had to live with. Day in and day out. This loneliness. Despite being with someone, with a husband...being alone. Marriage fucked it all up. Made you too available. Marriage and commitment. Even being committed to someone, made you a slave to their wishes. You stopped doing what pleased your heart, in case it displeased him. Or her.

Either way, it was like hitting a wall. Being single, being alone, being chased...that had its own thrill. Maybe there was no security, but at least, she'd felt wanted. Desired. Rajat would make any and every excuse to meet her, be with her...he would ask her to make excuses to meet him. He would drive down two hours just to see her and get a hug, when they were in different colleges. Then she moved to his city and all that stopped. Gradually. Sometimes it felt like she was the one who kept nagging him to meet her, to be with her. Of his own accord, it didn't seem that she was worth his precious time. He was busy now. Had an important job, good pay, his dream come true. She wondered if she was a part of his dreams anymore. She wondered if he even thought about her anymore.

She wondered, if he could live without her now? He had his family, his friends, none of whom she had anything in common with. When they got together with them, She was bored out of her skull. No one was interested in hearing her speak. They had old connections and ties and got along fabulously...most of the time she wondered why she bothered? It made Rajat happy to see her mingle with his loved ones. Even if no one would miss her if she wasn't there.

Fifteen minutes and six pills later... she raised her head and her eyes fell on the bright daisy she had put into a glass bottle. It was on her desk, in the office, with a single note saying : Beautiful, kind, sad, cinnamon Doe eyes ... please smile.

Nimish, the perpetual flirt. Who would've thought him capable of such sensitivity. Who would've thought his vision acute enough to see beyond her deliberately frumpy looks? Who would've thought him worthy of friendship ?

Maybe she wasn't invisible...to the world. Just to her husband and family. She took the flower out of the jar. Twirled it in her fingers. With their short nails. Unpolished. Rajat hated that. Somehow it was always about Rajat. She'd tried so hard to please. And she was getting tired of trying. She wasn't good looking enough for him anymore. She had let herself go. Somedays she wouldn't shower or comb her hair. An advantage of having long hair...just push it back and tie it up. But she was rambling now.

Maybe she would give him a chance. Maybe she would give life a chance. Maybe she would Live.

She dialed the emergency number. Rajat wouldn't worry if she was late.

Not really anyway.