ChEWinG CiNnAmOn...

The temperature yesterday fluctuated between 25 degrees Celsius and 15 of the same. Something i realised today morning.

Its chilly now...and I've a lot of thoughts...bubbling within.

I AM chewing on cinnamon... plucked it out of the bottom of honey, lemon n cinna tea [for health and relaxation purposes].

Mom's Wonder Tea :
good for digestion, clears complexion-including pregnancy and hormone related chloasma and melasma- acne, gives you a glow and etc. To experience the benefits of this 1-2 cups must be had on an empty stomach every morning...
Ingredients : [serves 2]

Honey-2 tsp
lemon-half
Ajwain-1 tsp
Tulsi leaves-1 to 2
Fragment of a cinnamon stick
Tea leaves. Preferably green tea or even tea bags.
hot water.

Method :
Put water to boil. Add the ajwain seeds, tulsi leaves,cinnamon. let boil. turn off after a minute of boiling. once turned off. add the tea leaves -tea must never be boiled because the benefits get boiled away so to speak. allow tea to diffuse. strain the tea, add honey and lemon and watch it lighten in color.

Enjoy. the benefits will show in about a week or so. This is even good for colds, coughs and congestion.

back to my other thoughts.

I wonder why people who are already thin want to be more thin. And how dare they repeatedly say so in front of genuinely fat even obese people. It makes me sick. Please don't feel complimented in being called "rexy"- anorexic.

I hate the days because mom isn't here.

I hate the evenings because I can't gym because I've sprained my ankle. Its not the thrice affected left ankle and its not a bad sprain [requiring a cast!] but needs to be rested nonetheless. And I'm tired of resting. thats irony for you.

I wonder why families get into fights and break apart.

I find it amazing that siblings can be so cruel to each other and yet love each other so much so that even an apology isn't required.

I think the cruel side we see in little children, the bullying. the hitting is a direct result of home and society influences.

I wonder if I'll ever write a novel. And will it ever get published. And will anyone buy it? Will I be true to the dreams of my youth?

I wonder if I made a mistake rejecting those MD/MS seats in march?

I wonder if I will get admission next year? In something I want.

I wonder if I'll ever breathe easy again. Not have to worry about admission, the future etc.

I wonder why no one admits that terrorists are made, not born...well they're born of hatred and dissatisfaction and that there is fault on both sides and that no one, no side, is without fault, without blame.

I wonder if doomsday is really a myth or is the anti-christ is moving and shaking already.

I wonder if marriages are made in heaven...if so, why do we bother with matching kundalis? matrimonial advertisements? "gifts"?

I wonder if its love if one side has to think about it?

Do the drinks taste better when they're free?

I wonder if I'll be regular posting?

I wonder how long I can make this stick of cinnamon last?

I wonder if I'll see my beloved today? Maybe if I prayed harder?

I wonder whats bothering him.

I hope he knows I love him.
And I'll always be around.

RaNdOm BaLLs Of LiNt

Winters arrived.
I dug my sweater from the closet…
Random balls of lint,
Speckled all over it.

Plucking them off
Was no chore.
Random memories beset me;
Slivers from my childhood.

My sweater brought forth warmth,
[Even Undonned]
Memories have that power,
Blaze of brandy down one’s throat.

A happy family of four,
Parcheesi before bed,
Barbeques on the beach,
Afternoons spent napping.

And life
Remains
Crammed
With
Contradiction.

Then we grew up,
Learnt to lie, disguise, defy
Poke, hide and pry,
Chilled me within.

My sweater cannot
Banish this pall.
But my dog laughs
I’m less forlorn.

No more fluffy balls of lint,
My sweaters clean,
My hearts heavy…
My break from real life’s spent.

This may strike many as wierd [me] but I’m not one of those people who respect people by default. Meaning that you will not be worthy of respect just because you were :

- born before me.[even like...decades before me.]

-or after me.

-are rich

-successful

-pedigreed

-well “qualified”

-run your own company

-are my employer…

-are a relative

-or of the law

-own a coffee shop or are a barista [I'm talking business.]

you get the general drift…

when I was a child, my mom used to tell me, [no, yell at me] to respect my elders…and I’d always ask…”why?”…I mean…look at them…

they are rude to people considered menial [the usual...autowalas.kaamwalis,karabiwaleee...]

they are rude to their employees

they would rather gamble away their money than give it to charity [I'm big on charities].

they don’t take children seriously.

Hell they often don’t take their own spouses seriously.

they say one thing and mean another.

they commit aldultery.

they are hypocrites.

they chew with their mouths open.

they interrupt you when your talking or in mid sentence.

they lie blatantly [about children's marks, qualifications and etc.]

they are arrogant.

they think just because they are good looking they are “it” and everyone elses “shit” .

they don’t apologize for causing someone else hurt, pain or their tears to flow.

they don’t give a rats puny arse about the poor and needy .

they are judgemental despite their ignorance and they don’t even want to understand…the truth.

they are often unkind.

without compassion.

I’m sorry my disdain shows on my face mom…but they’ve done nothing worth respecting. Sure they go and work hard, but they’re not alone in doing so. Thats not enough. Respect is a HuGe thing, you have to earn it. No child respects by default… You had no role to play in being born before me, that was all your parents doing…why would i respect you for that? Be a good human being. That alone is worthy of respect.

---

MaSkiNg LoVe...

...Should qualify as a sin.

If you’re afraid of what people think you shouldn’t have dared fall in love at all. And to get married to a person you love all the while pretending it’s an “arranged” marriage, screams hypocrisy. Lies. Betrayal and insult of the very word love, that which makes the world go around! Or at least makes the dizzying ride easier to bear, by far. To think, it is thought of as a sin! Immoral is what “society” will call you. That’s why everyone’s trying to hard to protect you!

Protect me? From what????? Hypocrites? I don’t need protecting thank you very much! I don’t really give a fuck what a bunch of ignoramuses are thinking about me. I’m not going to deny, nor condone the denying of, the greatest thing that ever happened to me...the one thing that makes me smile,[other than both Googles].

I’d be proud to tell all and sundry that I fell in love with my man BEFORE marriage! I still get excited when I hear of other people’s love marriages only to feel disgusted as they begin saying nonsense like

“Oh no it’s not a love marriage, it’s arranged. We just like each other.”

Oh so you’ll marry the first person you like?

Picture this scene, Cousins wedding.

60Kgs bride, tall, fair – 45kgs groom, a head shorter, darker. Rajput chick, Gujju kuda. Mind you Rajputs are v.particular about caste and all. They more or less fought their families for nearly a year and a half before every elder concerned threw up their hands and said “fine then do what you want we won’t disown you!” hehe...my little joke.

But even though the bride wore flat chappals and walked with a stoop, it was easy to see that the parents hadn’t chosen their about to be Son-in-law. That “it must have been the girl, she lives alone in another state for her job you know and this fellow works there only like her boss”...

While distributing the wedding cards, my aunt [herself had a love marriage, intercaste, 30yrs ago] kept insisting that this was not a love marriage, even to her own son, [father of 2 children mind you.]. Her dialogue was the same,” SHE didn’t choose him! They just work together and his mother liked her v.v.much so she wanted the marriage...”

Oh I see...and you’ll just hand over your precious daughter to the first person who asks or like a spoilt child, insists? I mean, seriously, do you think we’re all stupid?

And my cousin!

When I first came to hear about this, I called her up and she seemed excited telling me how they met and etc.

Then she arrived in Delhi for her marriage.

And said to me “oh we haven’t dated or been alone or anything. His mom liked me! I didn’t have anything to do with the whole thing! AT ALL.”

Hear ye all merciful God’s in heaven! Do such people even deserve to be in love? Why don’t you just take their share of the love and give it to those few passionate people who pine for love!? Why dontcha eh?

Then there was another Scenario.

Pundit Boy, tall dark and dubiously handsome [but in his family’s eyes he was er...er....er...oh who cares it his family’s eyes not mine.] fell in love with girl short, dark, not drop dead gorgeous, Punjabi caste.

{Wait... for those who are yet unfamiliar with the arranged marriage scene, when a marriage is arranged, the parents usually, well almost always look towards matching castes.}

During the card distribution process, the boy’s mother...

“oh no they didn’t decide among themselves...we were all sitting and making jokes, we actually know the family veryy well...we were all just joking and you know in joke joke we fixed the marriage.”

Good Lord. Decision of 7 lifetimes made in joke joke!
I mean seriously the stories people come up with are always:

-unbelievable

-delirious blabbering

-laughable

-unneeded.

... Because no one’s an idiot.

Be honest!! Parents and kids alike...have the nerve to simply say, if someone asks – the bf’s mom asked me “what can we say then? What?” – Simply say “the children chose each other and we have no objection!”

How hard was that now? No one’s asking you to scream from the rooftops...although to be honest, anyone’s whose been in love be it before or after marriage, will admit to the extreme desire of wanting to yell out to the whole world...that they’re in love. Ah the effect of Hindi films I say.

A quiet, dignified admission is enough. Theres nothing immoral about falling in love. It’s the best thing that can happen to anyone and nothing surpasses that feeling more that if it is reciprocated. That’s rare.

And we are no one to deny it. If we do deny it, we do not deserve it.

Ta!

DoN't TeLl Me

...what to do!
I read somewhere, yesterday, that we end up becoming that which, the most important person in our lives despises...what annoys him/her most. Without us even realizing it, we become something just to badger them. Things we would ordinarily do ourselves, say eat healthy, gym well, study hard...these things become burdens once we get nagged to do them. We oversleep, overeat, procrastinate...d-e-l-i-b-e-r-a-t-e-l-y.

I never tell anyone, what to do and what not to do until and unless they ask me for advice or whatever. Medically related...for instance. Even then i never NAG. I simply tell them what the outcomes will be for the 2 or more options they choose to follow and then its up to them. After all, its their life, they will have to suffer the consequences or bring out the champagne. That even goes for my family and friends.
That, in no way means I'm uncaring or unconcerned about them. No. But if anyone has read "the carpetbaggers", they would know precisely what I was talking about. My job, my duty as a friend or a loved one, is to be there when they need me. Whenever they need me, be it day or nights or after not following my advice or whenever. I would go out of my way to help someone out. Not just those I love but often even those who call me or get in touch only when they require help. I don't mind, not really anyway.

And this non interfering attitude, I thought, rather I assumed, absolved me from over concern, from nagging, from people I love telling me constantly what I should do or not do. Lets face it, I'll do things better [at least I'll DO them at all] if left to my own devices.

For eg: I'd started waking up at 6AM to gym. With pleasure I'd savor the early morning hours of gained time. A leisurly hot cup of coffee
the tabloid or a few pages of a novel...
till my mom and bf started bugging me about going. Go GO Go dont waste time GO now. OH MY GOD I QUIT THE GYM!! The bf apologized and all but the damage was done wasn't it? Now the only reason I went to the gym early morning was so they wouldn't nag me!!!If that even qualifies as a reason. I used to study on my own but now I don't wish too. Its a burden now,not a quest for knowledge to peoples bodily illnesses.

I don't WANT to be this.
I don't want my loved ones to read this and be offended. But apparently no one here reads my blog so I'm safe.
Or not.
But we need to understand the frustrations of our loved ones. Don;t we?