happy new year everyone :o)

remorse

Remorse...

One day you'll realise,
and oh!how you'll realise...

what goes around,
inevitably...
comes right back around,
smacks you so hard,
makes you see
no one's world
can revolve around thee.

oh you'll see
and how you'll see...

sticks and stones,
just hurt one's bones.
Nasty words,
rip out your heart
tear down you soul,
broken trust...
never again whole.

oh you'll realise,
and how you'll realise...

sugary sweet,
seems so soothing...
attracts wasps
[won't hesitate to bite]
they'll snatch what they want,
'gainst all you might.

oh you'll see,
and how you'll see...

bitter neem
heals wounds faster
than syrup of honey,
antibiotics,
the balm of money
don't spit it out,
or get angry,
its only to help you
be what you wanted to.

oh you'll realise,
and when you do so...

who will love you?
you stamped it out of us
who will trust you?
you shattered it twixt us!
remorse,regret shall so cloud your mind
for all the true love,
you kicked far behind.

tis the season to be jolly!!??...pushy?bossy?needy???

merry christmas!!
ho ho ho!!...oh no faux pas...ha ha ha ha HA.wat-e-ver...now,for my christmas experience...a lil somethin new one gets to learn each day each moment each ...push.
so i went to the local mall,to watch a live TV shoot to be conducted by a friend of mine on the Christmas frenzy,a senior reporter,working for a channel known far and wide for its TRP generating tactics[showing a lotta bulwark,no other channel would dare display.]

she was supposed to get a bunch of cute kids in the frame,make the whole bunch sing "jingle bells"...tiny kids they were,some knew what a TV camera was.most,however had no clue...left to themselves,they would've met n hugged Santa [one with a plastic face BTW],taken a gift n left,happy n content.

their parents though,are in a whole different league,altogether.
they seemed so very desperate to get their kids to come in front of the camera that they pushed em,shoved em,made them push n shove other,smaller kids...there was one kid who was bawling face as red as Rudolph's nose,glistening with tears wanting to get out of the crowd n go home...his mom just pushed him back in saying,its just for a few mins,and then proceeded to call her relatives and pseudo-friends telling em to turn on the TV set cos oh u c,my bunty dear is coming,he got chosen [tough contest,sorry losers] n blah.

it was the most pathetic thing i saw that night.

the crown for the 2nd most pathetic sight goes to this other lady,who was standing next to me and yelling to her daughter [placed in front of the camera]...to lift up her younger,tinier brother so that his face came in front of the camera...i looked and he was the smallest kid in that crazy crowd,he looked like he was gonna cry any minute now.
the disgust i felt reflected on my face and i couldn't help but stare at the woman who would rather keep a scared kid in some crowd [scaring him more] than console him n keep him by her side.all this so she gets to hear "oh we saw Ur kid on TV"...to bask in this gory,reflected fame...
the lady looked at me,saw me looking,looked abashed,and stammered...oh u know,that's just so in case hes scared nah..."

i dint think i could look more revolted,apparently though i did.

my friend,the reporter,however handled all this and more,v.bravely.so did her camera crew.they told off parents telling them how best to position their cameras so that their kids got captured...told em they only took orders from their boss n that wasn't them.[the pushy parents].u go guys!

hm.i couldn't help but wonder...if parents r this pushy,this young...what will they do to their kids,[all for their own good u c],as they get older.i imagined conversations,in my head...dialogues really...
PP[pushy parents]: u have to study,don't u know,Mrs.Kapoors kid topped,u have to displace her!
PP:i don't care if ur uncomfortable,i bought u this miniskirt and ull wear it!maybe someone will "spot" u and offer u a modelling contract and then films...!u know the newer actresses are not even out of school.
PP: u'll have to lose more weight if u want to wear that without people calling u a fat pig with a huge ass.
PP: how can u want to be an animal doctor?do u know ull have to put ur hands inside cows to deliver babies?
[yeah lady?and how do humans deliver?oh no wait...babies r gifted,all wrapped up huh?silly me.]
PP: ur not studying enough to get into IIT...do u want to mess up ur future forever??
PP: we r not ur enemies,we want ur good,[i agree]...in the long run,u will thank us!

hey PP,what if they don't see the long run?some kids suicide cos they fail exams..more are taking to drugs,booze etc,at far earlier ages than can be contemplated even by u,teenage pregnancies r more n more frequent...i know,i get requested for abortifacient drugs after episodes of unprotected sex,just cos i'm a doctor.but its illegal,yet these kids r not scared,to go against the law....

they are scared of they're own flesh and blood though.
is the long run more important than their innocent smiles n laughter,NOW?not later...NOW?
it may have been something so silly,but its the start of something more sinister.
kids barely have a childhood anymore!theres pressure and more pressure and still more pressure till one is cooked RAW!

oh u poor,poor kids.

a bit about love?

Dedicated to my parents n my friend Nikhil,cos u like me the way i am...

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing."

n im not talkin abt romantic love alone...but others,probably just as precious to us,except at the time we will not realise its meaning in our life.however,sadly,we do realise and we do undergo a mental flashback wherein we wonder what went wrong.It wud've bin better had we never recalled the past.

Real love hurts;
Real love makes you totally vulnerable and open;
Real love will take you far beyond yourself;
Therefore real love will devastate you.
If love does not shatter you,
You do not know love...

n that is so true.ive loved a lot of ppl in my life so far.worse ive loved and lost a lot.and it hurts so bad.whether the person ur losing is a friend or otherwise a romantic involvement.it hurts just as much albeit in a different manner.why?why do we allow this?i know for my [art,i do not try to solve the problem knowingly.mostly since i have the feelings,in general,that im to blame for everything,n thats bin the way it is since i was a lil kid n evennow,every arguement i enter,i leave it with a feeling that im to blame.which is why i prefer to avoid confrontations of any sort.i hate them cos they make me hate myself.who wants to hate themself?
so u c,i get lonely sometimes,no...often.but ive learned to live with myself,as i am...but...its not necessary to avoid ppl all the time.i just suck at sucking up!my folks n nik r the only ones i dont have to be someone else around....i can speak my mind and be ME around them,even if it causes trouble.

thats rare,which is why,i dont really notice or feel deeply the lack of 'friends'.
thanks u guys.

dedicated to Google,my lil dog.love u.

CAN YOU LOVE ME,LIKE MY DOG DOES?


...for instance if I,

shut you in the balcony
[its mid winter]
as guests are home
[scary cats]
they think you'll pounce.

don't make you dinner
[i'm not hungry]
your water bowls dried out
[oops didn't notice]
I'm more important to me.

tie you on a short leash
[punishments necessary]
you pee'd in the house
[oh so i delayed taking you out]
wheres your sense?

didn't play with you
[i'm busy can't you see?]
don't rub your belly
[fur shows on black!]
wont throw you your stick.

how callous am i
how uncaring

yet why...

do you still run laughing
the instant, im in at the door
your tail wagging nonstop,
you clamber upon...
a human who knows not,
what real loves all about.

you make me feel small,
sweet dog of mine,
we humans love those,
whos heads nod with ours.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

An Ode to a Candle...

should i light,this candle tonight?
Candle light,
burning bright...
should I light,
its wick tonight...
will you come,
share with me...
some food,some wine,
some love some time?

Stick of wax,
though it maybe...
like us,its has,
a destiny...

Candle light,
shines just right.
Must i decide,
its fate tonight?
should it commence,
its long descent...?
what shall it see?
A glorious date...
or just another woman,
and her fruitless wait?

Candle light,
prays it might,
witness scenes of sweet passion...
the making of perfection...
in the space of this night.
Not words of accusation
anger so destructible...
blotting all hope
of peace and salvation!

Candle light
burning bright
cast your might,
upon us tonight.
and as you melt,
so fearlessly...
I'll tell them all,to learn from thee.
A tale of how sometimes...
one must die to see,
fulfillment of
one's destiny.