Love Marriage, How long will the honeymoon last

Hi Sweta
How r u
You had asked about my opinion regarding love marriages, and match making by horoscopes. Horoscopes I don't believe, that I have already told you.
Love marriages !! sounds so very romantic, but the honeymoon ends very soon.
Marriages , they say are made in heaven. So love or arranged, whats the difference. To understand this you should know why one marrys.
Marriage, as an institution, has developed over the centuries. The basic aim of life is to propagate.

• So copulation and procreation is the major reason behind marriage. But that can take place even out of marriage though some religion forbid such relation.

• The next factor is security, the husband providing social and financial security to the wife in return of her services, sexual and labor. But now with women getting educated, employed and empowered, don't need financial or social security.

• Third reason may be legal. Law in most countries does not give any sanction to children born out of marriage. So if you want your child to be respected in the society, you have to marry.

So I feel the need for marriage is gradually diluting, with unmarried people and live in relationships gradually getting social recognition.

Coming back to arranged(or Pragmatic) verses love(or Romantic) marriage. I feel that for a marriage to have longevity, there must be some binding force which doesn't change with time. On that point love marriage fails. Love is a feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person. This intense desire or attraction may be because we see certain qualities in our object of desire. Like the dimple on her cheeks, or his smile, or her hairs falling over her face, or the way he shrugs his shoulders, or her sensuous voice. But will these characters able to hold your intense desire life long. No, after some time you will start hating the way he eats, or the way he dresses, or the way she cooks, And the honeymoons over.

But in arranged marriage, the binding force is external. One is married because of the will of their parents, or the society. So there is a social pressure upon both to stay in marriage. also there is no expectations you have to live up to. You are married not by your choice so you don't have to pretend. You have to accept each other as they are. love and caring and companionship develops gradually.

Mine was arranged marriage. My dad and her dad knew each other, but we had never met before marriage. I had my own crush in my colony, and surely she must have had her crush in her college. But now after 18 years of marriage , I cant imagine life without her. Even 3 hours of separation is unbearable.
have to go now.

byee

Manoj

so,how different r they exactly?

i read an article,which seemed to me out of place in the newspaper.in the midst the amt of births,deaths,rapes,tortures,arsons,murders a picture of a beaming ms.universe showing her grand self in a "red light area" seemed more than out of place.n believe it or not,she was "waving".
which made me wonder,everyone knows that models,actressess,beauty contestants and even other seemingly ugly,unworthy,unpolished,non-world-peace crusaders sleep around.n that too for fun,favors or favors.commercial sex workers do it to earn their daily bread.so why is it a big deal if someone overpriviledged lady steps waaay down her pedestal n decides to look humanitarian n "pay CSWs a visit"?
im not saying she sleeps around,but hell,who knows?other than the monetary factor,how different could she possibly b?or anyone else for that matter?so y do ppl think CSWs deserve their a.)scorn or worse b.)pity?

they dont.if u can offer them a better career than the one they're currently pursuing fine,it'll make em happy.it wud make anyone whos unhappy wid his/her job happy.[n most of us r so].dont patronize them.dont try to pretend like u know more abt AIDS than they do.geez,they've to battle it daily anyway n they do know how to tc of their bodies better than u do.
QUOTE:while ïm not saying that ppl shud not have sex at all [yea as if if u DID say it ppl wud listen 2u n becum celibate],they shud b extremely careful[in the heat of the moment?r u a virgin lady?]use a condom [they do,theyre free of cost],b safe [condoms do tear u know.3% of the time they FAIL to serve their purpose] ur life is worth so much[yes well thats exactly we're all terified of death].n even if u do have HIV its not the end of the world[yes,not the end of urs anyway,wait'll u get it.],u can still live a normal life[r u kiddin?have u ever taken lamivudine?oh its an NRTI[anti aids drug BTW],just b careful that u dont expect other ppl[oh i think the mood for sex etc will kinda b dimmmed after u learn ur diagnosis]n blah blah b4 scrambling bak into the car."

but smilin n wavin?gimme a fuckin break.n i intended the pun,lousy as it maybe.namaste.
aboves the link for the article.do pls read it n gimme ur comments:o)

my last day...

farewell friend,yet not farewell
where i go,ye too shall dwell
i am gone before ur face
a moment's time,a little space
when ye have gone where i have stepped
ye will wonder why ye wept.

i saw the movie IF ONLY.i think every1 shud c it,at least once,in order to understand the value of time.n not the fact that our time on earth is too short or too long.but the fact that v in fact do not know its length.n that is y v shud make those who v love feel special everyday.listen to them,do wat they want.u never know wen u may have to regret ur actions/words.

u may not return a fone call out of anger or pride or ego.but wat if slamming down or turning off the fone is the last bit of communication ul ever have from a loved one?wat if they went,never to come back?

i wondered wat id like my last day on earth to b like.i think,b4 passing away id like to do the following,on the day im off.
1.)get a hug from a baby,a cute chubby baby.nothing is more honest n enthusiastic than a babys hug.













2.)smell a pink rose,a real one,feel it against my face3.)watch a sunrise and a sunset,perhaps with a loved one.


4.)get kissed,softly,sweetly.5.)dance in the rain


6.)play on the swings like i used to.
7.)make someone feel good,help someone
8.)play with a dog9.)take an afternoon nap.
10.)pretend im beautiful.

if u know ur loved one is low,lonely or maybe even sick,do made them feel special.it'l work wonders for ur relationship,for him/her,but watever u do,remember,material things r always nice,but then again,not wat count.love them,respect them,always always no matter how bad ur feeling,dont b rude or take them for granted cos it really hurts,n they may not always say so.but the feeling stays on inside.
think abt it:u chose them to b ur better half.theyre the ones,maybe the only ones,u shud never yell at or fight wid,no matter how rotten a mood ur in,look to them to make u feel better,dont go around making them feel bad too.
understand them,love them for their gud and love them for their idiosyncracies as well.forgive them their mistakes.dont yell at them ever,tel them u love them.tel them how much they mean to u,tel them without them having to ask u.
make them feel special,even if its not their b'day,celebrate them for being part of ur life.

the sex war...;oD

like ive said earlier,im no feminist.[did i really?doesnt seem like it.lol.maybe i was...LYING!!]however i do believe that um...though ladies r more sentimental n illogical than males,they tend to b less DUMB,HEE HEE.
observe above,for instance the male thought patterns i found online,n oh i so totally agree.ha!i mean,yes sex forms a large part of their mind maps.how/when/why/why not/how fast can v get laid...ha.
however,trouble is,my bf n me dont fit into the usual pattern.i like alsations n shark fish n great danes n german shepherds n turtles n alligators n snails n fish breeding and he?he likes...ahem,pugs,dobermans and rabbits.i said fine since ur letting me turn our future home into a part zoo u can keep the rabbits but they dont really DO anything çept...but theyre so cute...oh ew nikhil cute?they breed n crap n get eaten up.thats all they do.im not responsible if one of my dogs eats em up...
another thing.im always after him to go get laid but no sir hes v..happy wid me n alll but hey he has to get SOME experience!so this one time he went over to an older girls place[a friend of his sis'to collect a parcel] and i called him n said this is ur day dude!!go for it.
n he was astounded at the oddity he calls a gf.
then i was v.earnest n got around to callin every 5 mins to find out if anything had happened n the last time i called he sounded like he was in the midst of something n said hed call later.

so i figured he was on the way to losing his virginity n then i promptly starting bawling like a kid.half an hr later he calls me n im like"so?how was it?

how wat wat?
u know.
no!
sex?
please!i dint have sex.
then wat were u doin?!waahhh u were sounding so wierd n u said ud talk later n all?!!wahh...i got so worried i thot u were..u know...
ha!i knew ud think dat.but i told u i cannot!but anyway U said i shud.y were u upset?
just cos i was.
ok that makes sense.
of course it does,just cos im tellin u 2do something doesnt mean u DO it!i mean,how of ten u listen to me anyway?yd u have to listen this time?
but i dint!
i know but still!
huh?

now u may wish to observe the female brain pattern:
i do get alot of headaches.however when nikhil sent me his bandana to wrap around my tresses and look stylish i dint use it for that,wen i was cleaning my room n the dust allergy hit my senses hard,i used it to wipe my watering nose [sorry nikhil.]...when he sent me the cutest wooden locket with a jute chain depicting my sun sign [aquarius] i wore it but once,most of the time it is hanging from my soft board as a decorative item.the mirror in my room was taken off to b replaced by a softboard n showpieces replaced by a fishbowl.
nikhil puts the cute things i send him inside his cupboard to keep em from gettin dirty n stared at while i display every single thing hes sent me in order that i can tell everyone "my bf gave it to me

hes an excellenr driver.he can drive in a straight line even while talking to me simultaneously.me?id drive straight for exactly 20mins n then start lookin around,once in fact i wanted to check out the movies list pasted onto a tree n i veered off towards in the same direction causing my sriving instructor to gasp in horror n me in delite öh look X men is playing!" now c,gals dont enjoy things like x men.not really,me i dream of bein storm,my fave character.

i get feww bucks a month,nothing luxurious,enuf to eat n drink,not b merry[ok just a lil bit] n if i withdraw say "x"amount.from the atm,in all probabilty i will spend x-x n have o amt left in my pocket when i get to the room.which is sad.n not true for nikhil.he saves.he gets lesser pocket money than i do plus he knows exactly wat hes spent it on.he writes it in a diary:o(

i cannot remember dates.not my parents annivs,not his parents,not anything.beyond my birthday,his,parents.thats all.he however nikhil remembers not only his birthday,but the rest of the familys including mine as well.he reminds me at the end of the day to wish my parents a happy anniv.
i cannot get my feet into shoes.i wear floaters with straps in order to keeo my ankles in control.cos if i dont i fall all over the place.HE however has this thing for gud looking shoes.he swears he'll get me to put my feet in stilletoes one day.he wont wear clothes or shoes unless theyre branded.i shop at flea markets:o)

nikhil irons his clothes,daily.and polishes his shoes.i hang my clothes straight while they're drying so that there're minimal wrinklles.n i figure,hell watevers lefts bound to straighten it self out once i get the dress on.
he makes no lame excuses.i do.
why dint u eat dinner?
um.hum.cos theres a rat in the mess.
why dint u send my letter?
oh the er post office ppl have gone on strike.
why dint u go for work?
oh dint u know?its udupi bandh today.

u get the idea.he needs clean sheets,he even has WHITE ones.i darent use white ones cos it takes less than an hour for me to dirty them.he has to urge me to talk.now though i may write non stop,talkings a different matter altogether.he always wants to talk issues out b4 v get down to any other bizness.i try not to.

he rocks at ball games though.im a brown belt at karate.wen i was on the volleybal team my job was to stay away from the ball at all costs.i was merely a filler.

and oh he can sulk like a woman!i dont sulk,i yell!i suck at gold digging as nikhil himself reminds me,he sez,wen i complain of the lack of materialism in our romance ü shud've got urself a rich bf".

my attention span lasts no longer than 10-20 mins,whether its in a lecture or a conversation.after that i switch off.he knows it n boy does he hate it.i always end up telling him 'oh i was just thinking abt wat u um just said.'óh were u?watd i say then?

he is sharp n certainly doesnt have a listening problem.oh dear.
wen he reads this im in big trouble.but i hope the rest of u have urselves a good laugh :oD

so few n far between...

im talking abt long distance relationships...since i am currently in one,have been for >1.5yrs now,i love it n i hate it.the distance keeps us close n yet v get lonely,occasionally,the type of loneliness that no amount of time spent free of charge over the fone can cure,the lack of romance gets to us sometimes,especially wen ur already broke from talking over the fone uve got no moolah left to make him feel special by sending say ...flowers.sometimes it rankles that wen v wanna cry v dont literally have a shoulder to do so on nor does someone come wipe our tears n our nose either.but theres a lot of comfort deriveable from the fact that if this is working out,imagine how much fun it'll be when v're together.imagine how much v'll value each other,v DO value each other...more probably than those who spend every waking moment with each other n then end up takin each other for granted...

know wat the system in my college was?and probably has been for ages?simple,a gal n guy r a couple,emotionally n physically,for the duration of the course say 4.5yrs,following which they say bye bye nice to have known u n then turn around like they dunno each other,never did.it barely takes some of em any time to hook up again.
so i was wondering,don't these ppl feel lonely after constant [and i do mean constant] companionship,care n etc?suddenly the one person u used to share ur lifes occurings in totality with has gone off n ur not/cant/dont wanna do anything abt it.i know apart from my odd looks,this was one reason i was single in college.well no not exactly,i did have someone for a short while cos he was unwilling to commit even after 2yrs of intense friendship n emotional bonding,which rather left me hearbroken but i think it was better it happened then than after 4 yrs.he was nice enuf not to make any false promises,at least.thereafter life was not the same.n i certainly refused to consider another male for any relationship other than friendship.but by then majortiy of my class assumed i was a 'psycho'which iwas not having proved that to most ppl by by not only clearing my 2nd yr exams but doin so wid a distinction.my mom was there thruout n widout her id never have managed it.
i hate ppl who think that to have 'major depressive illness with generalized anxiety ds'n to take meds n go for counselling implies that u r nuts.ur not,ur just sick n lonely,n i so wish more ppl wud realise that.
but then a yr after id bin sick,i got in touch via sms wid an old family friend,a guy who id liked a lot wen i was a kid,whom id known since immediately after i was born cos hes 1.5yrs older to me,whom i liked for his shyness,decency n politeness.i knew he was revamped n had become v.hot n there was no chance he'd b single so i thot,out of the blue that he'd make a gud friend.n believe me,the way things were goin for me,i needed one of those,i had my BGP[best gal pal] but i needed another few frienz.n he became one,n he was hot n all but still shy,decent n polite.wierd.but i found i still liked him.and he was decent to boot.and SINGLE.
how quickly another man can take the place of one...ha...no it actually tuk me almost 2 yrs to get over my ex.but get over i did,n though im now in a long distance rishta,i doubt ive ever been happier.the one important thing i learned during my self imposed exile from the opposite sex: NO MAN CAN MAKE U HAPPY,UVE GOTTA DO THAT URSELF,BUT YES,MAYBE ONE DAY A MAN CAN AKE U A WEE BIT HAPPIER THAN U ALREADY ARE.
which is true.my hsbf[hot sexy boyfriend] changed the twinkle in my eyes to a sparkle,the spring in my step to a bounce n the lilt in my tone to a song.n i love him for it,n i know this relationship willl work out.as it is working out now.

the MALE mania...

hmm...hello again...and can someone explain to me why ur not allowed to announce the sex of the baby asap,or at least befor expulsion of the placenta?no?I'll tell u why[the reason deifies logic]: the mother may have herself a haemorrhage if she gets to know its a girl baby!
ok i'm no feminist but some parents really get on my nerves.

this just goes to show how naive i still am,u c i was stunned into silence wen the nurse explained it to me.maybe cos my parents had loved me a helluva lot though i was JUSt a girl,i expected all moms n dads to love their babies no matter wat the nature of their genitals.wat exactly is it that they expect a baby boy to do for them?or ever a grown up for that matter?bring a bit of dowry which they'll b too old to enjoy and which the son n his wife'll not allow them [not really anyway] to feast on?maybe get tired of taking care of them after a while and this is indeed the trend as of late,in the cities.
heck v all know males have the greater tendency to fag,booze,dope,procrastinate and ahem...sleep around[owing to the fact that they r unable to get pregnant,their body not being adapted to do so].girls have that little thing called the uterus which keeps her parents awake n terrified n its also a mitigating factor in early marriages to ladies.girls r softer hearted,more caring,more obedient,more gentle n etc.all in all less likely to abandon their parents in favor of the husband.

there r of course exceptions to all rules,in both sexes,however theres no way of knowing THAT at birth!
don't these parents feel guilty for wanting their girl to be a guy?y dont they sing,dance and celebrate for 'n' number of days when a girl s born as they do for wen a boy is?dont they read the papers?dont they know abt the womens lib?abt the gr8 female acheivers of all time?of just abt our everyday heroines?the ones who work,support a family,take care of in laws,her own folks,n husband too?
wat generation r these ppl living in?
babies r supposed to b 1.)Gods form on earth[being so untainted] 2.)a gift from the same God. 3.)a joy...
so how come its become so natural for some ppl to feel bad/mourn the birth of a girl child?never mind mourn.some ppl abort their kids once they know its a girl...perhaps these r they parents whose "sons" will grow up to abandon them,maybe then they'll realise that a baby is a baby n if ur having one just so that they'll provide for u wen ur old n rickety,then they've got a lot of growing up to do and perhaps a provident fund to establish.
ive read,in many places that children r given to us on loan,to love and care for till they learn to do the same for themselves.n then its time to say bye bye.
sigh....not wat im seing here though.n it really makes me sad.wat if this baby comes to know,by mistake,that she wasnt wat her parents wanted but they just resigned themselves to her presence.all the time cussing her for having to cost em a dowry/their reputation n wat not.
in my moms village,wen i was a lil gal,all,n i do mean ALL the ladies in the house used to keep nagging my mom abt having just 2 girls n NO[!] boy!!wasn't she trying?wat was the problem?how would she manage?every vacation this used to b the tone of the conversation...until one fine,or rather not so fine day,an old biddy started singing the same song abt the lack of males in our family.thats wen i took one look at my moms face n felt oh so awful.my mom is v...motherly.thats the first thigs abt her that'll strike u.she never used to reply to these inane stupid nonsensical opinions abt how she shud give it another go n blah[partly out of respect towardsthese elder i guess but i dont really have that problem],but something in me snapped that afternoon n i stood up n started yelling at that old lady saying "dont u dare ever again taunt my mom for anything.whether or not she has another baby is NOYB and look at u with all ur 3 sons at home u still have to sweep other peoples floorrs to get a bit of food in ur mouth n wat do ur sons do for u?nothing!n ur adivsing my mom to suffer the same pathetic fate as urself?im son enough for my mom and u just wait'll i grow up,then u'll c exactly how well i'll take care of my mom n then i'll come c u.heck ill even take U in,if ur still around.but dont u EVER,any of u,talk to my mom abt this again" of course my mom did try to make me keep my trap shut but i cudnt n then i stormed away after my mom yelled at me to respect the elders n i told these r not the type id like to respect.

thats it.i shall not bore u anymore.but think abt it.n try telling ppl that girls r every bit as good as and in fact even better than boys.please do that.i mean,none of us would b around were it not for our mothers.

bitchy bossess

welcome all those who maynot b as offbeat as i am n still desired to read wat ive put down in my first officiall gonna b dere as long as possible blog!thank u for coming.

i never understood wat the boss was wen i was a kid,the words"the man ur daddy works under"never really made sense.
now that im an intern,i understand only too well.i,like most ppl in the world,hate my boss.n only one of them cos u c, im blessed wid a whole PANEL of them!!

wen i was busy requesting the secretary of OB&G to allow me to b posted in the government hospital so that i may not waste time doin nothin in a tertiary care cenetre but would indeed b allowed to "touch"the patients,a privilege granted to the rare n few...my then to b future boss was hanging around eavesdropping and wen i met her at the govt. hospital she took an instant disliking to me cos she chose to believe that i had no desire wat so ever to learn obg and wished to goof off.

now i know thats not true.

she probably does too only she wishes to gimme a hard time n make life miserable for me by taunting me,abt the fast that i desire to do nothing n that shes gonna make m slog [which is not a problem cos shes doesnt stick around for more than 2hrs45mins on any given day including her own duty days!]...on my first day she was so harsh that being the softie i am i cried [no!not in front of her]...n was v.upset until a nice n senior most lady came n told me not to take to heart anything she said n she actually asked me wat happened.she understood my oredicament and was v.nice to me thus ending my first day on a better note than wat it started out to b.she even taught me abt ultrasounds!
i guess there r bossess and there r bossses.n ive got both kinds.
thing is i had to take 2 days break cos ive sprained my ankle for the 4th time in my life,n the same old ankle at that n have to b really careful n take bedrest for 2 days.ove done so for one day n dare not take another day off.
in fact most if my time there i plot ways n means of staying out of the bitchy boss's way,thus impairing my work.i wonder if ths happens elsewhere as well,i mean,do ur bosses have the capabilty to demoralize u to such an extent that theri terrible words constantly ring in ur ear?n cloud ur mind,give u murderous tendencies?i know mine do.n its not a gud thing cos apart from demoralizing u n shattering ur self esteem,they impair ur work efficiency.n theyll have to take the blame one day being responsible for u...i wonder if the realize that!

wat would b the solutions for bitchy bosses?put em in our placea?nah,theyve already been there n done that which is probably y theyve turned out to b the way they r in the first place.
boil em in oil?
i dunno.
evanesco i think.off the face of the earth they ought to b vanished.
maybe im being too brutal...am i?lol...